I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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