Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize