You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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