Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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