Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
