chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
