It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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