dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
