tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How's work?
Spinning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
