Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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