season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
