dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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