Don't make out with my wife yet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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