Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
