i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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