WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
