38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
