Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We named our party play list daddy issues
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
