i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
