last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
