i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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