Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
