i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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