I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
