he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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