Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
