I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
