I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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