i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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