Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
