I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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