rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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