dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
