I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
