I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
