Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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