Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
