i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
