She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
