Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
