I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
