More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
