I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
