I heard we made out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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