trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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