I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
