your parents love me but you hate me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
