He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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