i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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