I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
