do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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