you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
