if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i will never coherently bang her
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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