I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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