So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
