Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
