Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
