i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
