You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
