let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
