Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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