too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My penis needs a shock collar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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