I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
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Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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