Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
