Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
