do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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