Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
