i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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