I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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