oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
