good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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