I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My breasts were aching with rage.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
