then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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