We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
