Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
