I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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